


hot like fire, cold like an artificial metal bauble

by zhujungjungting (runswithchopsticks)



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Humor, M/M, and mentions of sex toys lmao, crude humor ig, mentioned Seongwoo/Jihoon, there's lots of cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 22:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runswithchopsticks/pseuds/zhujungjungting
Summary: "...because for some reason the combination of gaudy colors, fake reflective overspray, and flecking glitter detailing all adorning an artificial metal bauble triggers something deep within Daniel's brain, and suddenly his dopamine levels are sky-high."Prompt #25: Jisung and Daniel go shopping at the mall for their friends' Christmas gifts. Jisung underestimates his abilities at keeping Daniel focus and within eye range.





	hot like fire, cold like an artificial metal bauble

_start._

* * *

You see, Jisung really thinks that he should put Daniel on a leash.

And before you get any wrong ideas, the leash is simply for the purpose of being a _leash_ \-- there’s no secret intent behind Jisung’s thoughts. Maybe his relationship with Daniel is definitely at that level of, ah, _rapid exploration_ in the bedroom, but this time around, Jisung’s purpose is direct and objective.

They’ve been wandering around the shopping mall for about two hours now. You’d assume that Jisung would have gotten a fair amount of shopping done--he and Daniel are there looking for gifts for their friends, and since it’s nearing the holidays, sales are abundant--but _no._ Rather, he hasn’t bought _anything._ Well, he bought _something,_ but that “something” is in the form of the lollipop whose stick is protruding out of the side of Daniel’s mouth -- he’d insisted when the two had passed by See’s Candies, and even though that shit is expensive, who is Jisung to say no?

At the moment, he and Jisung are flipping through clothing hangers on a sale rack. Seems like a normal scene, no? Well, the thing is, Jisung is just lazily flicking his wrists over garments, seeing if he can find something cheap and stupid to buy for Jaehwan--that little shit _does not_ deserve something nice like the pretty glass snow globe and fancy cologne he’s planning to get for Minhyun--and he finds a sweater that’s got a stuffed squirrel protruding out of its chest, holding an acorn with a bell inside it, which is absolutely _perfect_ for Jaehwan. He pulls the hanger off of the rack, and he’s about to hold it up and ask for Daniel’s opinion, but oh, where’s his boyfriend? It seems he’s disappeared into thin air.

Jisung would be lying through his teeth if he said that an inkling of panic didn’t crawl up his throat that moment he swivels his head around and doesn’t see Daniel _anywhere_ \-- just like how a parent might feel having lost their toddler somewhere in aisles of protein bars, gummy vitamins, and condoms. Even though it’s probably the fourth or fifth time Daniel’s disappeared on him, Jisung’s still thrown into that state of chaotic sweating where his hands are held up awkwardly at chest-level, waving around strangely as he hastily flits back and forth between areas Daniel might possibly be in.

 _This_ is the exact reason why Jisung believes he should put Daniel on a leash.

Daniel’s not in the men’s clothing section. Jisung trots to the electronics section -- no Daniel there either. Women’s clothing? No. Kids’ toys? No. Appliances? No. Jisung even stops by the lingerie area -- he doesn’t really know if he was expecting Daniel to be there, but he’s secretly glad and proud of his boyfriend that he didn’t find him there.

Jisung swears he’s made a round around the entire second floor of Macy’s at this point -- his knees hurt, his breath comes out in pants, and he arrives back at the rack he’d initially flipped through, only to see that the blonde bastard is _right at the spot that he’d been before he disappeared._ He’s even _humming_ as he looks through garments, the red shirt he’d previously grabbed off of a different rack _still draped over an arm._ It’s as if he’d never left in the middle of shopping in the first place, and Jisung briefly thinks he’s confused and is probably seeing things, but then he reminds himself he’s not that old (yet).

“What the fuck,” he blurts out.

Daniel glances up casually. “What?” he asks, and the lollipop stick that protrudes out of the side of his mouth bobs up and down as he speaks. A bit of saliva threatens to crawl its way out of the corner of his lips, but with a sniff and a bob of his head, it recedes. Jisung frowns, blinking confusedly. “Where you been, hyung? You disappeared for a while.”

At that moment, Jisung nearly flips over the rack next to him. “ _Me?!_ ” he exclaims. “ _I_ disappeared? _Me?!_ ”

Now Daniel’s the one that’s frowning. “...Yeah?” he responds, quizzically. “You did?”

“Niel,” Jisung begins, groaning into his hand, “the only reason why I ‘disappeared’--” he puts air quotes around the word, “--is because I was looking for you.”

“Me?” Daniel murmurs, pointing at himself with his free hand. “Why would you need to look for me? I’m right here, hyung.”

“You--” Jisung forces himself to take a deep breath, because he really shouldn’t be flipping out at Daniel--no, more like he really shouldn’t be flipping out at _himself_ \--and besides, Daniel really sounds like he doesn’t have a clue. “--I was looking through the rack, and then I looked up, and suddenly you were gone.”

“I just went to the fitting room, that’s all,” Daniel replies, with a shrug. He immediately looks back down and begins to sort through garments again.

“You could’ve told me,” Jisung points out with a sigh.

“Ah, sorry hyung,” Daniel murmurs. He glances up at Jisung, smiling sheepishly, and Jisung sucks in a breath of air, the frustration in his thoughts fizzing out because Daniel smiling is very nice and precious. “I’ll do that next time.”

“It’s okay, thanks,” Jisung mutters, scratching the back of his head. He looks down, intending to begin sorting through hangers again--where was that squirrel shirt, again?--but then the thought hits him. “Niel,” he begins, an exasperated edge in his voice.

“Yes?”

“Why were _you_ at the fitting room? We’re buying things for our friends.”

“Oh,” Daniel murmurs, and he meekly looks up at his boyfriend, “sorry, I just found some things that looked really cool and the prices weren’t so bad so--”

Jisung holds up a hand. His face contorts into something between an expression of acute frustration and mild aggravation. It’s as if he just smelled something putrid in the air. “It’s okay,” he interrupts, “just focus on looking for things for our friends for now, okay? Once we’ve gotten gifts for everyone, we can do some personal shopping.”

Daniel grins excitedly at him. “Okay!” he exclaims, and with the amount of levels Jisung’s heart rate has gone up and down in such a short period of time, he all of a sudden feels like passing out.

* * *

Daniel is like a dog. He's attracted to shiny and new things. Jisung thinks that because Daniel is like a dog, he might as well buy him one of those harness things with the stuffed dog backpack and a leash so he won't lose Daniel to another display case full of silver watches and jewelry, or heaven forbid, gemmed Christmas ornaments, because for some reason the combination of gaudy colors, fake reflective overspray, and flecking glitter detailing all adorning an artificial metal bauble triggers something deep within Daniel's brain, and suddenly his dopamine levels are sky-high.

Jisung actually finds a rack of those little stuffed animal backpack harnesses, but when he holds one up and stares critically at Daniel, who is currently preoccupied trying to pick out an appropriate tie color for Seongwoo (that old bastard needs a tie that's not his ugly worn one passed down from his dad that's in the shape of a turkey whose huge fucking snood makes up the entirety of the tie body, and with, on the backside of the tie, in all caps and Comic Sans, is written “Gobble gobble, bitch”), Jisung realizes that the harness might not work out.

The straps on the thing maybe reach thirty centimeters across in diameter, and when Jisung looks back up at Daniel still sorting through ties on the display, he shakes his head. Daniel's wide, to say the least. He's wide and flat like a griddle -- Jisung remembers thinking this exact thought the last time he and Daniel went to the beach. Jisung had been applying sunscreen on his boyfriend's back, and he'd taken note of how expansive Daniel's back was -- he thought that maybe, combined with the beating sun up ahead, he could fry an egg atop Daniel's torso.

So he sighs, puts the harness back on its rack, and walks over to where Daniel is debating between a pink and a green tie. Jisung suggests they get the green, because pink might not help in toning down Seongwoo's ridiculousness. Well, it's not like a bright green would either, but at least it's not much of an eyesore compared to the infamous Gobble gobble, bitch.

They also end up picking a dress shirt for Seongwoo as well. Nobody in this modern era should be allowed to wear a blue plaid short-sleeved shirt with a collar and a width much too baggy tucked into khaki shorts and expect to be taken seriously, especially if you also happen to be wearing obnoxiously colored Under Armour socks that reach almost knee-high paired with some Birkenstocks -- or even worse, some worn Adidas slides.

Well, it's not like the proper long-sleeved solid light blue dress shirt will help a lot, but at least it will make Seongwoo look like less of a nerdy old dad and more of a nerdy old recent university graduate.

They move to the next shop, and all is going jolly, perfectly, peachy, ricey if you even will, until they stop by a women’s clothing boutique and Jisung suddenly remembers that _yes,_ he does need to buy something for his female friends. Really, that’s a good portion of why he decided to take Daniel along with him shopping in the first place -- although Daniel is dating a man, he probably has an even better shot with the ladies. And Jisung, being an assistant to a physics professor -- well, the most of the ladies he ever sees are ones that are either way out of his league in terms of intelligence, way out of his league in terms of ego, or way out of his league in the fact that he’d rather be wearing wet socks.

“So,” Daniel begins, tapping an index finger on his lip, “who should we start with first?”

Jisung stares up at the glowing _Furstenberg_ sign. Can he even afford this shit? The name itself smells like money and tastes like the burning hole in his wallet. “...Nara?” he murmurs. Yeah, why not start with Hyunbin’s older sister? She’s totally not the most bougie woman out of the whole list of women Jisung needs to find gifts for -- she totally hasn’t graced the covers of more magazines than Jisung has fingers and toes.

Daniel rolls up his jacket sleeves. He looks like he’s preparing for a brawl. “Okay, hyung, let’s do this!” Voice certainly doesn’t sound like he’s preparing for a brawl, however. He sounds like he’s going to wholeheartedly enjoy flipping through racks of lace and chiffon and silk. Jisung winces.

At this point in his life, he really wishes that Daniel would get attracted by something flashy and wander from his sight; or wait, maybe he wouldn’t want Daniel to leave him?

For one, if Jisung gets approached by a sales associate, he’s got absolutely no fucking clue what to do or say. How is he going to tell some middle-aged lady with thick black eyeliner on her waterline that he needs to find something to buy for one of the nation’s fastest rising models who’s most definitely _not_ his girlfriend and who most definitely _is_ someone he needs to impress? Sure, her younger brother is a little one-hundred-and-eighty-seven-centimeters tall shit, but Jisung respects her and he most definitely does not want to let her down.

But then, Jisung realizes, if Daniel were shopping with him, that’d be an odd sight. You see, this is the modern era, so that means anything can happen, and people can assume anything about anyone. What gives, two guys shopping together in a fancy ass women’s clothing boutique? You most definitely could not shove Daniel into women’s sizes--you’d have to go to the plus-size section for that--but now, _Jisung…_

Jisung shakes his head. Either way, he’s going to die.

Well, whatever, Daniel’s already become distracted by the display of jewelry near the front of the store. He’s currently sifting through bracelets sitting prettily on a little mannequin wrist. Jisung shuffles up to him. The rhinestones sparkle blindingly in the store’s artificial lighting, and all of a sudden Jisung’s old man head throbs.

“You gentlemen finding everything okay?” A saleslady pops up in Jisung’s peripheral vision.

“Yes, thank you!” Daniel cheerily replies, while Jisung stays silent and gaping. _Please go away,_ he silently wills.

“Ma’am, how do you think this color would look?” Daniel holds up a pair of earrings. They’ve got rubies in the middle. _Cute,_ Jisung thinks. Nara looks good in red. He’s about to pop into the conversation and say that Daniel’s idea is wonderful, maybe they’ll buy this pair for Nara (as long as he can afford it), but the saleslady beats him to the pitch.

“Oh, the red compliments your eye color wonderfully!” she quips.

 _Fuck,_ Jisung thinks, and now he’s well on his journey of awkwardly shuffling away while Daniel and the saleslady strike up a conversation about which gemstones compliment which eye colors -- Nara’s eyes are fucking brown, same as Daniel’s, there’s nothing else to it. If the red compliments Daniel’s brown eyes, then why would it not Nara’s?  
Jisung realizes the grave mistake he’s made, because not a minute later and that straw-blonde head of Daniel’s disappears. His boyfriend is a good fucking one-hundred-eighty-something centimeters or the other, so how has he magically disappeared in a _boutique?_

Well, Jisung is now panickedly pacing back and forth through racks and shelves and shit until he sees an ass clad in jeans and a cellphone tucked into the ass pocket of said ass clad in jeans. Lo and behold, it’s Daniel, and he’s looking at the purses on the bottom of a shelf. Clearly, the sequins on one of them attracted him. Great.

“For Miss Nara?” he asks, and holds up a bag. Sequins. Jisung’s head is throbbing. He can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Y-Yeah,” he stutters, and then holds out a hand. “Can I see the price tag?”

Daniel gladly hands him the bag. Jisung flips over the item’s tag. Oh, look, now he can see God’s hand reaching out towards him from that light. Is he going to heaven or hell? “Niel,” he grits out, wincing, “this is like, half of my paycheck.”

Daniel shrugs. Spoiled brat. Jisung bets he’s never had to pay for a single thing himself in his entire life (that also happens to be Jisung’s fault -- he’s the grad student, that means he’s making more money, so, so, _so_ much more money, and therefore that also means it’s totally his responsibility to foot 99% of the rent, right? The other 1% comes from the occasional won that he takes out of Daniel’s piggy bank without telling him).

Jisung needs some TLC. That means he’s streamlining towards the clearance racks. It proves to be a lovely decision, because 50% off on a handbag that makes it within a price range that he can clearly afford, and one that doesn’t look like it’s made of peeling cow leather and snakeskin? Jisung is all of a sudden excited.

Well, seems Daniel’s got some other plans, because while Jisung did purposely walk away from him, he _didn’t_ purposely want to lose him. He’s sent running around displays and racks _again_ \--honestly, at this point, the lady at the cash register has seen him pace back and forth from her counter so many times that there’s no way she can’t be dizzy--until he finds Daniel with, unabashedly, jewelry draped all over his limbs.

“Miss Hana said that rubies would look good on Miss Nara, so which one do you think looks best?” Four necklaces are hanging from each forearm. There’s bracelets dangling from each finger. _Shit,_ Jisung thinks.

“Niel, I’ve chosen a bag for her, it’s okay,” he says, calmingly.

Daniel blinks. “But shouldn’t she get something with a ruby too?”

Jisung remains silent, biting his lip. He knows that part of the reason why Daniel wants to buy something sparkly is because he can admire it before he wraps it.

“This is Miss Nara, hyung. I bet she would appreciate it. And you want to impress her, right?”

Well, fuck Jisung for dating someone who knows how to talk (although Daniel himself doesn’t realize it -- thank goodness). So this essentially means that about good sixteen minutes later he’s sliding the bag and a bracelet along with a pair of boots and some chiffon tops and hair accessories across the counter to the sales associate--the same one that’d seen him running back and forth across her field of vision, mind you--because of course, he just _had_ to buy frivolous things for his other female friends, even though he’d already planned gifts for a few of them.

“Miss Yooyoung?” Daniel had asked, holding up a hairband with an intricate blooming of pearls and rhinestones across a row of what appeared to be orchids. “She recently got her hair permed, right? I think the flowers would look pretty with her curls.”

And now Jisung is a good several hundred thousand won less rich while Daniel is now happily toting around shopping bags -- he could at least carry them, when Jisung is the one paying for all the shit.

But he supposes it’s all right, because at least now he’s actually made progress down the gift list, hasn’t he?

* * *

Jisung only manages to lose Daniel about eleven more times. To any random person, that may sound like either Jisung or Daniel or both of them collectively have Real Problems™ (which they do, really), but to those that know Daniel, that’s a new record for the _low end_ of the spectrum. At this point, Jisung’s got three bags in each hand and Daniel has bags all up and down his arms, as well as one hanging from around his neck like a giant red bib. But seriously, Jisung thinks, Daniel’s mental state might as well possess some qualities of a person who is within the acceptable age range to wear a bib… he’s not necessarily _that_ slow-witted, but there’s most definitely _some_ (okay, maybe _a lot_ ) slow-wittedness in there.

Jisung goes off the mental list in his head, staring off with the girls. Nara, Yooyoung, Hyerim, Joohee, Seoyoung, Chaeyoung -- all set. The guys? Seongwoo, Minhyun, Jaehwan, Sungwoon, Woojin, Daehwi, Jinyoung, Guanlin? Yup, all set too--

 _Oh,_ Jisung thinks. Maybe not. They’ve got one more gift to buy for the resident Satan Shrimp of their group of friends. “What’d you think we should buy for Jihoon?” Jisung asks.

“Fanny Heaven’s downstairs,” Daniel nonchalantly replies. He’s sucking on another lollipop from See’s Candies.

“Oh, yes, _wonderful fucking idea,_ ” Jisung drawls, sarcasm dripping from his tone, “how about we buy sex toys for Mr. Can’t-Keep-His-Hands-To Himself Park so he and Mr. Gobble Gobble Bitch can have even _more_ fun in places that are most definitely _not_ designated for fun -- do you even remember that time where Minhyun and Jaehwan walked in to see--”

Daniel makes a garbled noise. It vaguely sounds like he’s choking on his lollipop. “But hyung,” he recovers, a moment later, “it’s nearing eight and I think Fanny Heaven is one of the only shops open for another hour. Unless, of course, you want to buy Jihoon alcohol.”

Jisung’s standing there, gaping. Does he _really_ want to buy Jihoon alcohol? He’s not sure if that’s a sound decision.

“Or weed,” Daniel murmurs. “The closest liquor shop to here also has a weed license.”

The last time Jihoon was high -- wait, has Jihoon ever been high before? The image that pops into Jisung’s mind of Jihoon being high is basically the same as Jihoon on any normal day. “I--” Jisung begins, but Daniel’s already walking towards the escalator, and so Jisung is mentally and physically bracing himself--especially his eyeballs--to be assaulted by rows and rows of contraptions that trigger a feeling within him that renders him unsure if there’s a wedgie oncoming or if his man bits are going to twist themselves into a pretzel.

 _What kind of friends buy their other friends sex toys for Christmas?_ Jisung asks himself. _Where did this friendship go wrong?_ Is this anywhere even near normal? Honestly, now Jisung’s questioning the existence of his and Daniel’s friendship with Jihoon and Mr. Gobble Gobble Bitch -- well, Mr. Gobble Gobble Bitch has been Daniel’s good friend for a very long time, although Jihoon’s relationship with Daniel is as salty as the Dead Sea. And because Jisung is a mature ~~old~~ man, he sits somewhere in the middle.

When he steps foot into Fanny Heaven, the first thing he notes is the intense smell of something that reminds him of 2008 Hollister perfume -- aka a fragrance the fuccbois of yesteryear with the layers upon layers of popped collars and spiked, frosted hair tips would wear. The next thing he notes is how absolutely fucking dark it is; he can barely see a meter in front of him. The third thing he notes is that he has _absolutely no fucking clue_ how to go about this; what are sex toys, even? There’s your standard dildo, vibrator, and cock ring, but past that, Jisung is grasping at straws -- and besides, he very well _knows_ that Jihoon owns all three already.

Well, it seems that he needn’t do anything, because Daniel is already chatting up the saleslady. When Jisung squints at her, he notes that she looks like she’s about a good thirteen years old at the oldest, and when he carefully shuffles closer, he also observes that she indeed _sounds_ like she’s a good thirteen years old as well. How old do you have to be to work in a sex toy shop?

At this point, he’s now peering over Daniel’s shoulder at her. From the saleslady’s viewpoint, he looks like some creeper trying to asses Daniel’s bank pin number as he punches it into the ATM, but she laughs awkwardly and continues speaking to the very handsome straw-blonde man standing in front of her. Her laughter is a high-pitched tinkling noise, similar to how one might imagine a fairy would laugh.

 _Sexpert Han Hyeri,_ Jisung reads from her nametag. _Hmm._

“Oh, we just need a gift for a friend,” Daniel hurriedly explains. “Christmas gift, y’know?”

Hyeri nods animatedly. She totally wasn’t imagining Daniel in a collar with his ankles and wrists tied, y’know. “Have anything in mind?” she cheerily chirps, hoping her disappointment isn’t audible in her voice.

“Well,” Jisung starts, “he’s already got the standard--” wait, is it a “standard”? He’s got no clue, but he just said it, so whatever. “--dildo, vibrator, and ring.”

“Oh, alright. That helps narrow our search. Do you know what he might be into? Is he a sub or a dom or a switch?”

“Sub,” Daniel answers easily. Jisung feels one of his lower eyelids twitch. He can’t believe he and Daniel are actively discussing Jihoon’s sex preferences with some random adult toy shop employee who looks like she’s a flat thirteen years old _at the oldest._

Jisung stays silent and frowning while Daniel answers all of Hyeri’s questions with ease as smooth as silk. Eventually, Hyeri turns around and trails off, and now Jisung’s awkwardly shuffling behind Daniel as they walk down aisles of dick paraphernalia. Honestly, the whole time he’s in some kind of weird daze; he’s not sure if it’s because he’s fascinated, creeped out, uncomfortable, or just straight up terrified to the point where his survival instincts have kicked in and now he’s receded back into his subconscious in order to stave off the demon dildos that threaten to invade his vision.

The only time he manages to snap out of things is when he finds himself reaching into his pants pocket for his wallet, and oh _look,_ he’s now pulling out a handful of ten-thousand won notes -- _holy shit,_ he’s spending upwards of sixty-thousand won to buy a red fucking _ass bow_ and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs, of which the former he can already bet Mr. Gobble Gobble Bitch has already purchased, because it’s Christmas and so therefore that means it’s that time of the year where you put a giant fucking red bow on your lover’s ass, right? (Just as a side note, Jisung has no plans to put a bow on Daniel’s ass, and Daniel had better _not_ have any plans to do so to Jisung.)

Jisung feels both emotionally and physically exhausted at that moment. It’s like he just walked to Hell and back entirely on foot; actually, you know what? He’s right now watching himself thanking Hyeri and receiving the black bag which contains the ass bow and the handcuffs, and he bets that he might as well _have_ walked to Hell and back within the thirty or so minutes he’s spent in Fanny Heaven.

Anyways, at least with this last purchase, he’s finally crossed off his entire shopping list. Jisung’s exhausted to the point where he can’t be bothered to drive, so he tosses the car keys to Daniel, even though he realizes that the reason he almost never lets Daniel drive is because the damn oversized kid had gotten about four speeding tickets within a timespan of two months, all of which were for going over 10 km/h the speed limit.

At the moment, the only worry Jisung can properly comprehend is that he dearly hopes he doesn’t lose Daniel somewhere in the parking lot, because for one, it’s pitch ass black outside, and two, there’s probably at least nearly a million won’s worth of merchandise hanging off of him.

* * *

Thankfully, wrapping all the gifts was easier than Jisung anticipated. Daniel surprisingly didn’t get tangled in ribbon and wrapping paper like he did last year, and Jisung didn’t somehow end up with a hairful of glitter while in the process of decorating the handmade cards. At the moment, it’s getting close to midnight, and everyone is gathered at Minhyun’s spacious mansion (that bougie and elitist bastard, Jisung has been drop-hinting to him for years that he’s wanted a pair of camouflage Ray-Bans as a gift, but that asshole has yet to get the notion), so that means that the point of judgment is about to arrive.

Atop the glass table sits piles of wrapped boxes and gift bags. Some have overflown to the carpet beneath, all grouped by who would be receiving them. Minhyun ushers all the party guests to the leather couches surrounding the table a minute later. Cocktail and wine glasses and mugs in hand, they begin unwrapping starting from Minhyun’s right -- aka, always Jinyoung. Jisung rolls his eyes. Minhyun’s only ever wanted somebody pretty and willowy--Jinyoung, essentially--to sit on the plush cushioned seat next to his own throne and decorate his right arm, but to poor Minhyun’s chagrin, Jinyoung’s only got eyes for plucky little innocent and sweet Daehwi, who Jisung knows is not really all that innocent -- this kid is the _exact_ same kid that’s the bartender every Tuesday and Thursday night for the city’s biggest gay strip club (funnily enough, the aforementioned gay strip club was how Jisung met Daniel -- he’d wandered in on complete accident, looking for the coffee shop that was actually located a floor up, but then he’d seen Daniel drunkenly sliding down a poll with his shirt hanging around his neck and one sock carelessly dangling off of half a foot when he wasn’t even supposed to be up on the stage, let alone on a pole).

Jinyoung gets yet _another_ fancy-as-fuck watch from Minhyun. This time, it’s got some exotic wood wristband, and Jisung can practically _smell_ the bougieness wafting over from across the table. Jinyoung’s gone through all his gifts a good ten or fifteen minutes later. He’d seemed overjoyed from the windbreaker Jisung and Daniel chose for him (he mustn't keep on wearing his cotton jacket through the snow), and so Jisung smiled smugly.

They move down the row -- Hyerim, Seongwoo (he hadn’t exactly looked happy at receiving the new tie and dress shirt, but oh hell did the _rest_ of the guests look happy), Guanlin, Jaehwan, Nara (Jisung inwardly admits that Daniel might’ve made the right choice choosing a ruby bracelet for her), Seoyoung, Chaeyoung, Joohee, Daehwi, and oh-- Jihoon.

Jihoon, upon pulling the fuzzy handcuffs out of the gift bag sitting in his lap, had remained entirely frozen and silent for several long moments -- Jisung thought a heart attack might be oncoming, but instead, Satan Shrimp just broke out into ratchet laughter, tossed the handcuffs to Mr. Gobble Gobble Bitch, and then proceeded to tell him to keep the handcuffs “safe and sound”, much to the disgust that was visibly displayed on Jisung’s face. And then when Jihoon dug his hand around in the bag again and pulled out the ass bow, well, needless to say, there was even more ratchet laughter, because wow did Jisung assume _right_ for once: Mr. Gobble Gobble Bitch _did_ indeed already buy an ass bow for Jihoon, and Seongwoo even went forth to admit that the bow on the one he bought was _even larger._ Fuck.

Since Daniel and Jisung sit at the end of the circle, they unwrap their presents last. Much to Jisung’s excitement, he receives a fair amount of useful things, for once: a salt and pepper shaker set, a plaid flannel, woollen socks, aloe-infused gloves… but when he opens the gift labeled from Seongwoo, he nearly spits into the wrapping paper.

Lo and behold, he pulls out a _stuffed dog backpack_ that’s connected to a harness, and therefore connected to a fucking leash. Jisung holds the contraption up, hands gripping the straps of the harness and stretching them out -- _my god,_ he thinks, _this actually looks like it’s wide enough to fit Daniel._

“Happy?” Seongwoo cheekily grins from the couch over.

“Fuck you, I’m happy,” Jisung angry-joyfully grits out, grinding his teeth. “Where in the world did you find one big enough?”

“Amazon,” Seongwoo nonchalantly replies, leaning back in his seat and taking a sip of his vodka. “Now you and Danny can explore more kinky fun in bed. I think the stuffed dog compliments your relationship appropriately, doesn’t it?”

Jisung now feels like he’s about to grind his teeth all the way down to his gums. “You--”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Jihoon pipes up, holding up the ass bow in his lap, “you know, since hyung already bought one for me, do you want to take this back? You can put it on Danny-hyung or something.”

“I--” Jisung begins, and he’s about 0.4 seconds away from a stroke.

“On _me_?” Daniel asks, shocked. Jisung starts vigorously nodding -- this is an insane idea, _thank god_ Daniel agrees, but with Daniel’s next words, Jisung physically feels his blood pressure levels soaring. “Don’t you think it’d look prettier on Jisung-hyung?”

“Oh my fucking god,” Jisung utters out, his throat dry and raspy, and he leans forward, grabbing his wine glass off of the table before aggressively downing the whole thing (it’d been nearly full before) in one go and promptly standing up to go refill the damn thing with vodka. As he’s walking away, he mentally prays that he’ll be stupidly drunk by the end of the night.

* * *

_fin._

 

**Author's Note:**

> huehue thank you Jess for editing!!


End file.
